A Genuine Humility

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we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 192

Experience has taught me that my alcoholic personality tends to be grandiose. While having seemingly good intentions, I can go off on tangents in pursuit of my “causes.” My ego takes over and I lose sight of my primary purpose. I may even take credit for God’s handiwork in my life. Such an overstated feeling of my own importance is dangerous to my sobriety and could cause great harm to A.A. as a whole. My safeguard, the Twelfth Tradition, serves to keep me humble. I realize, both as an individual and as a member of the Fellowship, that I cannot boast of my accomplishments, and that “God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”

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Be Present

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The past is just that – past.  I can’t undo it, I can’t change it. and I can no longer deny it.  It was what it was.  The good news is that I no longer have to repeat those behaviors that caused me all that shame. Today, I behave in such a manor that respect is expected from others and I have come to respect myself as a woman, as a sober alcoholic and as a child of God.  I no longer allow others to disrespect me in any way.  I have a voice in the way I am treated, and I use it.

Stepping Into The Sunlight

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But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 10

Sometimes I think I don’t have time for prayer and meditation, forgetting that I always found the time to drink. It is possible to make time for anything I want to do if I want it badly enough. When I start the routine of prayer and meditation, it’s a good idea to plan to devote a small amount of time to it. I read a page from our Fellowship’s books in the morning, and say “Thank You, God.” when I go to bed at night. As prayer becomes a habit, I will increase the time spent on it, without even noticing the foray it makes into my busy day. If I have trouble praying, I just repeat the Lord’s Prayer because it really covers everything.

Then I think of what I can be grateful for and say a word of thanks. I don’t need to shut myself in a closet to pray. It can be done even in a room full of people. I just remove myself mentally for an instant. As the practice of prayer continues, I will find I don’t need words, for God can, and does, hear my thoughts through silence.

Once Upon A Time

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I apologize for not posting the last few days. I had a car accident yesterday, but most of all I drank. It was a horrible couple of weeks but im on track with others and the program and it took me a while to come to terms with my own disease.  My lack of control has been the defining element for accepting myself as an alcoholic.  And here I am today, and many years have passed, and I am still sober, still upright, and still in service to my Program – what an amazing success story.  I know that we each arrive at the tables via our own path, while mine was long and arduous, it has been exactly the way God intended it to be.  He knew I needed to be alone to get sober, He knew that I would need A.A. and my service commitments to stay sane, and He knew that I have needed the love and guidance that He and the Program have graced me with.  I am eternally grateful for all my blessings.
Thanks again for the concern

Loneliness…

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I believe that I am not the only one with feelings of loneliness. There are many “seniors” struggling with depression, loneliness and isolation.  I know that I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep an attitude of gratitude, pray to God that I may get out of “self” and work to be of service to others – be they in or out of the Program.  Sometimes, I get very mixed up about what I want in my life. It is those times when I turn to the Program, and suggestions are made by others when they relate their experience, strength, and hope in recovery. We all need each other, and I am no exception to that rule.

Taking It

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I believe in the power of the Steps, particularly as they relate to the Spiritual Principles.  When I work Step One, I am admitting that I am powerless over my disease, which brings me back to honestly admitting to myself that I am an alcoholic.  Reading Step One chapter in the 12X12, reminds me that I have a disease for which I need help with.  I cannot do this alone, but with the help of the Program, there is a chance I can.  My utter defeat is needed before recovery can begin.  I pray for surety and honesty from deep within.

Its Just Me

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I also believe that I am not the only one with these feelings, there are many “seniors” struggling with depression, loneliness and isolation.  I know that I need to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep an attitude of gratitude, pray to God that I may get out of “self” and work to be of service to others – be they in or out of the Program.  Sometimes, I get very mixed up about what I want in my life, it is those times when I turn to the Program, and suggestions are made by others when they relate their experience, strength, and hope in recovery – we all need each other, and I am no exception to that “rule.” 

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