Rigorous honesty is a fundamental principle of the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. As the slogan “to thine own self be true” suggests, it is especially important that we do not try to fool ourselves about ourselves. The dishonesty inherent in a life of addiction is a hard pattern to break. I remember first hearing the suggestion that we “examine our motives” when debating whether or not to do or say something. At first that seemed pretty easy and straightforward to me. But in practice, it proved to be a bit tricky. I soon came to understand how very skilled I was at lying to myself and others. I had justified my way through a life of self-seeking, developing complex and circular forms of reasoning that often worked by simply wearing the other person out, even when that person was myself.
In sobriety, when I thought about doing or saying something involving another person, and rigorous honesty popped up and said I was meddling and trying to exert my influence on people, my rationale machine would go to work to negate that motive. I was only trying to help them. I was only doing it for their family. I was only trying to pass along some of my own good fortune. The same was true whenever examining my motives revealed that I was doing something dishonest. I had plenty of reasons why it didn’t really matter to anyone and was harmless. It can be very hard to shine a light on my real motives. But it’s really important that I develop that skill and maintain it. If I am faced with a moment that could result in relapse, it will really come down to how readily I can spot my own faulty thinking and catch it before it’s too late. If I cannot or will not see through to my real intentions, then I will be both perpetrator and victim in my own demise.
THIS24 