I work towards this goal of being just who I am, without pretense or the old behavior of ‘people pleasing.’  It is not always easy to be brave enough to be myself, regardless of how others react.  I have learned through the Alcoholics Anonymous program that it is very important that I make every attempt to express myself, just as I am.  I spent years and years emulating the behavior of others with the false hope of changing myself.  It did not work.  I tried to be “one of the group” and said yes to things that begged for a no, and conversely no to things that needed a yes.  In recovery I am learning to check myself when others ask something of me; do I want to do it (whatever “it” is), does it afford me the ability to be true to myself, or does it require a risk that I’m unwilling to take?  There are many questions when it comes to relationships.

Even today, there are times of feeling unsure of myself in public settings.  For the most part I feel comfortable with my friends in A.A., but I still find myself watching others to see if I am doing things correctly.  I had years and years of expecting a tap on the shoulder and the question “What are you doing here?”  But right, wrong or indifferent I am sober, I am in the process of change and growth, and I am one of God’s children – that is who I have always been intended to be.  I am just another Woman In Recovery Every Day, I am just another sober alcoholic, I am just exactly who I am!

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