There was no doubt in my mind that I was powerless over alcohol, I only had to pick up a drink to reaffirm that. Once started I totally lost control of stopping. It was like someone else stepped in and took over my body, and I usually drank until I either passed out or the booze ran out – nine times out of ten I would pass out first.
Alcoholism has been defined as an allergy to the body and an obsession of the mind. I find that to be true for me. Alcohol affects me differently than it does those we call “normal.” I named my first drink “More” because that is exactly what I wanted. There are many differences between alcoholics, and while this is true, the real measure of being an alcoholic comes from the similarities we share with each other. As a group we do not drink with any surety of what will happen to us in our drunken state. The obsession to drink is an ongoing dilemma that never completely goes away for me – but today it is tempered with the knowledge in the first Step, and this being a new year, what better place to start. I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable – this I know for sure!