I’ve heard others refer to the “jumping-off place.” I have been there, afraid to jump but at the same time afraid not to jump. I knew the Alcoholics Anonymous required a complete change in the way I lived, I was just not sure that I would be content with this change; after all a life of chaos and misery was all I ever knew, and sometimes the familiar wins out because it is familiar, sad to say. This weekend I heard of a friend who couldn’t get passed the idea of abstinence, and she died a very sad death. Each and every one of us who seek sobriety reach a point of acceptance of ourselves as alcoholics – or we continue on to the bitter end, drunk and miserable. I had to reach a place of total acceptance of my disease, and that place was Step One, the admission of my powerlessness over alcohol. Only then could I begin to see the wreckage that defined my life.
I admitted to my alcoholism that day, I came to terms with my disease that day, and I have been on God’s path since then. I’ve seen it in the newcomer it’s still just as insane as it ever was. I accept the responsibility for my program, and work to remain open and willing to try new directions, without reservations. I remain willing because I can see where the changes in the behaviors and attitudes of others has led them to a life of peace and happiness . . . and if I want what “they” have (and I do) then I have to do what “they” do.
P.S. After 2yrs and 4 months and lots of work, I received a job offer from the railroad to be part of the safety team, as a security/police officer….thank you for your prayers!! Who would’ve thought I would carry a GUN, AND work with trains!! YAHOO!!!