Shame on Shame

I believe I have led myself into shame immediately following anything that caused me to have feelings of guilt. If I did something wrong, I automatically assumed it was because I was a “defective person,” instead of just acknowledging the wrong behavior. I did not separate the two, and therefore spent many hours berating myself when I should have been berating the behavior. Correcting my behaviors has been the beginning of my rejection of shame and self-doubt. I make mistakes, I am not a mistake.

During my drinking years there were many “opportunities” for shame, as I woke up quite often in places that I would not have been in, had I been sober. And there were many instances of waking to people who were strangers, to say the least, and strange in many ways to say the most. Sometimes I am absolutely amazed to find that I lived through those times of putting myself in jeopardy with people who were circumspect and who were as unconcerned about my safety as my drunken self. Today – I try to keep myself safe, I know who my companions are, I take care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am not ashamed of me, I am not ashamed of who I am, where I am, and what I am. I work on changing my behaviors and accepting myself just as I am, just as God made me. I am good enough, I am one of God’s children, I am just another human being, flawed, but constantly working to improve both myself and my world. I stand in my truth!!! HUGS

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7 thoughts on “Shame on Shame

  1. I’m Dan grateful alcoholic and after feeling the cold morning air, I was just grateful for warm running water and a heated home!

  2. Before I admitted I was an alcoholic and in denial, I had to experience health problems, DUI’s, and losing the love and support from my family and friends. I was all alone with my best friend, alcohol. My best friend took away my problems and helped me cope with life and reality. I was always ashamed of myself. I tried to get away from alcohol by myself, but I was never successful. As I laid in a bed at a physical a therapy facility, I was in a lot of pain and misery. I asked myself why? I answered my question, buy praying for help from God. My prayers were answered when I started reading the BB. Steps 1 – 3 finally made sense. I finally was ready to surrender to God’s will, the AA program. and a life of sobriety and spirituality. Today, I have peace and happiness in my life and I am not ashamed of myself. Best decision I ever made.

  3. A wonderful reflection. We talk a lot more, it seems, about fear than shame but my sense they may both deserve equal air time. Each insidious and lurking under the surface, each requiring exposure to the light.
    Thanks for reminding us.

  4. Guilt, Shame, Fear, and Remorse.
    I no longer need let these feelings rule my life. I no longer need take a drink to not feel them.
    Thank God and AA.

  5. Top of the day family,

    One thing apparent about step 10 is the level of grace that comes with the states of consciousness in this step. Either you’ve got it or you don’t. You’re either here or you’re not. You can’t just wish for neutrality and expect it to fall on you. If you do certain things, you get to this spot. If not, don’t panic. Identify where you’re at, point yourself in the right direction, and do what you need to do.
    Regroup, rest, and in time, forces of life will spring up again.
    peace and progress

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