My ability to adjust to my environment was always a surprise for me. In looking back I am both appalled and amazed at my acceptance of the various “situations” I would find myself in. I mean how crazy is it to remain in a place where beatings were the norm? How insane it now appears to have been accepting of negative behavior from those around me. My ego must have been in a subterranean state for me to have lived in places that were so far removed from being anything close to civilized. I don’t think I even knew what the term “civilized” meant, until I was well into adulthood. It was such a circular direction – drink, drunk, remorse; drink, drunk, remorse – an endless path. The insanity of drinking was always an enigma to me. Why, why, oh why do I continue to abuse my body, my mind and my life. Knowledge of alcoholism did not stop me from drinking, knowledge of the harm I was doing to my mind and body did not stop me – it took an act of providence for me to begin the process we know and love as recovery. I literally had to “stop” doing anything – I had to stop making life changing decisions at a moments notice. I had to stop relying on alcohol and drugs to get me through the day. I had to stop – and when I did something inside me said “Sit, be still, you are in the right place.” And I was still, and it was the right place.

I continue to be in the right place. The insanity that described my life has lifted, I am no longer just another crazy person. I have come to a place of sanity, of peace, of acceptance – it’s called the rooms of A.A. I embrace my disease today as I know there is a solution, and the name of that solution is Alcoholics Anonymous.

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