Thinking retrospectively about actions such as setting boundaries can cause me to wonder if I did the right thing – most of the time I come up with the same answer – it just takes a while for me to adjust to the idea that I have rights and one of those rights is the expectation that I can treat myself just as well as I treat others. Being honest and direct takes a little courage sometimes. Finding the right words is important, I don’t want to offend others, but I do want others to know that I expect others to honor my rights.
In recovery I have found that learning to be assertive is important, that learning to be direct with others is also important, and that I need to search out my feelings after I have worked to set a limit with others. My feelings are valid, they matter – just as much as the feelings of others. I can always make amends if I find that my words were not kind or they could have been “nicer.” I’m still learning what to say and how to say it when it comes to asserting myself. I’m still learning to stand up for myself, and that what I feel, what I say is just as important as what others say and feel. I matter too. 💜