For so many years I believed myself to be “bad,” that I was defective in some fashion that I did not understand, but “bad” I was. Today, I know that to be untrue. Before recovery I would look at others and try to fathom how they got to where they were, and how they managed to be “good” day after day, when I could not. It seemed like I was always on the dark side of life. I did not know how to be kind, smart, wise, courteous, or any of the other things that, to me, defined “good.”
I am learning to love myself. I came to the tables with a sagging self-image of a chronic loser, someone who always fell short of the aspirations of others, and myself. But inch by inch, and day by day, that has changed, just as I have changed. I no longer accept the opinion of others as defining of me – everyone has an opinion, which they are entitled to, but that does not make it so, it is simply their opinion. How I feel about myself is important. Feeling good about myself affords me the opportunity to change – because I know I am capable of growth and change – just like others in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. The better I treat others, AND myself, the better I become. To be more loving, more caring, more “valuable” means loving myself as I love others. The more I love me and you – the more love I receive from others. I am learning every day – I have great examples in the rooms of A.A., they teach me the “HOW” of recovery all the time: Honesty, Openness, Willingness.