Learning to speak from my feelings has been an ongoing process, that continues right up until today. I became proud of my brain, after I learned that I had one that worked well, at least one that enabled me to learn and grow intellectually. My head was smarter than I thought, and later I came to realize that education does not equate to intelligence. I assumed I was limited when it came to my brain power, but later came to know that I could not only take college level courses, but I could receive good grades. The language of the heart – that did not happen until I began my journey in recovery.
I have found that my feelings are just that – my feelings. That’s not to say they are bad or good, they are just the way I feel. It’s what actions I take as the result of my feelings – that’s the difference between good behavior and bad behavior. Today I recognize and know what my truth looks like, and am grateful that I can distinguish between my truths and my mistruths. I know when my mouth is lying, and I have the courage to stop talking and correct myself, when needed. I am grateful that I can express my deepest thoughts without self-condemnation of any sort. I know that I don’t have to act on every feeling I have, that what I think and what I do can be two very different things. The language of my head is no longer in control of my life – now I listen to both my head and my heart. Thank goodness for the Program, thank goodness for the language of the heart, and, finally thanks to my Higher Power for all the words of today, be they from the head or, more importantly, the heart.