Denial of my “problem” was strong in me, and justification for my behavior was always my response to anyone questioning my drinking. I could always find someone who drank more than me, or someone I could point to and say “Boy, they have a problem!” I hung out in bars, thinking that drinking alone at home was a sure sign of a problem. Being in bars meant being surrounded by others who were just as deluded as I was. There’s nothing like a drinking buddy to underscore my behavior.

After many years and many messages – there is one that brought me to the tables. Loosing a house that we had both worked hard for…it was my recovery “ACCOMPLISHMENT!” The interest had gone up so high that NO ONE ANYWHERE could have afforded $3500.00 a month…let alone IN MANTECA CA!! LOL…when the notice was posted on the door to vacate. We had 7 days to get out, I was crushed. How could I let my family down? I tore the note off the door(because then they wouldn’t KNOW) and proceeded to DRINK!!! My partner is a Black Belt Alanon, and when she came home to find me drunk,(I had fessed up about the notice while I was drunk!!) she took my daughter and said are you coming? I said no! They left. I sat there with my bottle, on my couch, looking up at the cross on my fireplace. There were chinese characters next to the cross-FAMILY, LOVE…etc….I looked up at the cross, and the message came. These are all just THINGS that you are fortunate to have while you’re here! You will be rewarded later. GO…BE WITH YOUR FAMILY!!!! That was what brought me back to the tables, and this time I have managed to stay. Messages come from many sources, and I am grateful to say that today I do recognize messages for what they are, it’s God knocking on the door – and today I answer that door.