I am human, I am woman, I am a person of emotions, feelings, strengths and weaknesses. I was at a meeting last night where there was much vulnerability present, and expressed. This is good, this is helpful and it is beneficial to not only the person expressing their emotions, it is good and helpful for others to see that it is okay to express ourselves, our less than perfect selves. I am not always calm, I do not always have it “together” whatever that means for you. Sometimes I’m a complete mess – just full of emotions, feelings and the tears will flow. There have been times in my recovery where crying was not only appropriate to the moment, it was also needed to release the hurts and pains of days gone by.

In the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have learned to differentiate between feeling my feelings and taking some sort of action because of those feelings. I used to feel lonely and would end up in some bar trying to find the “love of my life” only to find myself drunk, yet again. Today I can feel lonely and I know that I have several options available to me. I can pick up that 2,000 lb., telephone, or I can get to a meeting, or I can get busy doing something positive and remind myself of how truly blessed I am. Sometimes my best bet is to talk with another alcoholic woman, usually they will be able to relate my feelings with their own experiences. Getting out of self is another way of getting beyond those feelings of loneliness. Being of service, helping another, these are ways of deterring the negative feelings of “aloneness” that can beset me, at times. Thank goodness for the Program, and thank goodness for the blessing of being part of such a large pool of women alcoholics, people who not only understand my feelings but have lived through their own experiences – sober and at peace with themselves. Being vulnerable is a blessing in disguise – it allows me to voice my feelings, knowing that acceptance and understanding are within my reach.
dark_room_by_ikiz

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