I am no longer ashamed of who I am.  That has not always been the case, there have been many times in my past when shame took over and filled my heart and mind with a darkness that made me want to run and hide from the world.  The place I ran to was the bottle – so as to blot out the pain of being me.  I grew up believing that I had to achieve perfection, just to reach a point of being human – since I could not reach perfection, I assumed that being human was just one more failure, in my long list of failures.  Growing up and feeling shame at being who I was, gave me good reason to drink – after all how was I ever going to change being me?  I spent my younger years constantly comparing myself to anyone and everyone.  I used to watch others and wonder why they seemed to have such a nice life, and so many more opportunities than I ever did.  I always felt poor, shabby, dumb and uneducated – and could not see past those barriers.  I expected to fail in life, and I did time after time – always meeting my own low expectations. Today because of AA and the Steps and my Higher Power, I live a whole new life. One of Hope and Love. And today was spent by the ocean…with the one I love….and ahead of me lies another journey. Tomorrow. Looking forward to another day sober!! Keep looking ahead and upward-there’s ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!
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