In the process of getting and staying sober I have found that I could learn to trust myself. My life is no longer the extremes that it used to be. Today I can be myself and I can trust myself to take care of me. I no longer “get lost” along the way. I don’t have to leave town in order to release my disease. My disease has been tempered with sobriety and recovery. I do not have to fear myself, and my lack of control any more. I can and do trust myself, and I trust the God of my understanding as well as the Program of A.A.
I know that I can not drink alcohol . . . for me it means to return to a life of misery, lies, shame, and all those horrible blank spots aptly named “blackouts.” And then there were those times when others would say “Boy, you really tied one on last night.” And I would be thinking “Who are you? And what is my connection to you?” Today, my instincts are getting sharper, and I no longer reach out for that “hot stove” only to find out it really will burn me. I do not have to “test the water” to know that I cannot drink, I understand that, I know that, and I believe that to be true for me – without a doubt. Today I have a conscious, one that helps me to learn what is okay and, more importantly, what is not okay. I enjoy the freedom that sobriety gives me and I work towards the goals of trusting me, and trusting my Higher Power.