Step One

Coming to terms with my drinking, and the fact of my disease, took a long time, for me. Admitting my powerlessness was only possible when I came to accept a Higher Power, a power greater than me – and greater than my disease. I was full of fear, initially, and was very unsure about the results of “letting go.” I was at the “jumping off place” early in my recovery. Everything I had tried, had failed – what did I have to lose? I came to a place where I heard a voice, (mine as it turned out) say “God, help me.” Everything in my world changed after that. I also think that was the moment that my faith was “born.” I found that if I could just let go of the “reins” a little, and give up the idea that I had to do it all, that all those “things” I thought were mine to do, got done – anyway. I learned to quit volunteering for everything, I had to bring my focus closer to home – to my recovery, and not to the continuation of the Program – that was not for me to do – that’s when I got the message about A.A. being a “we” program. I had to let go of my need to control. Manageability came to me, once I let go of thinking I was all that and a bag of chips.

Today, I can release control to others, I can share the responsibility with others, I don’t have to be the “big shot” all the time. I can work on my side of the street and have quit trying to do it all – my recovery is my business. The recovery of others is their business. Just trying to manage my own life is enough for me to do. When I break it down to that I find I can handle my life a lot better – and still even better than that is when I allow my Higher Power, God, to guide me, and help me to know that I can trust the path I’m on, I can trust the Program to work for me, and I can trust my God to continue teaching me about life, about recovery and about this thing we call serenity.
heartbeat

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6 thoughts on “Step One

  1. My soul rests with you, my Anamchara.

    Just had a early-morning call from my wife who is in Atlanta to attend a “Meet the Legislators” session at the state capital.
    We have a wonderful form of government which tries to include we the people in various aspects but it seems to me the more insight I gain into human behavior, the more self-serving bordering on corruption seems to be there.
    Oh I’m sure he still have a lot of statesmen in the truest sense but on the other hand we know that narcissists will wriggle in so is it an extraordinary example of foresight by all forefathers that we have term limits and regular reelections when we have the opportunity to vote the rascals out and in the process aren’t our skills of discernment sharpened?

    Do we have to beware of the siren call of some of our disenchanted and of the manipulations of our shrewd politicians?

    It may be hard to see but we also grow by engaging in this process.

    Our undergirding code of love and tolerance should permeate.

    Good judgment is called for and excellent judgment will reign supreme.

    Grapevine Quote
    February 4
    “The Twelve Steps are not steps to take progressively in order to arrive at a conclusion, but a code for living — the constitution of a way of life.”
    Alva, Okla., January 1952
    From: “Spirituality”
    AA Grapevine

    Could this possibly have any application here in this situation?

    We bet our boots it could.

    I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic and devoted 12th stepper. – Georgia, US of A.

  2. When we are oversensitive, we take a self-righteous position, which leads us far from our path of spiritual awakening. Our strength is diminished.
    I read this on line today and I realized I am pretty much over sensitive in most areas. When I do my little self checklist, I find myself critical, hurt, and what about me floods my thoughts. So this made sense to me today , ahh, more shall be revealed in recovery.

  3. Thanks Bonnie,
    That’s what A.A. has taught me – to relate myself to the universe – to God as I understand Him (or not). In so doing, I can get things in their proper perspective, and find “the peace that passeth all understanding”. The people/places/things that used to keep me awake nights, now no longer bother me, because I can put them against the backdrop of sobriety. The long lonely winter that was alcoholism has turned into spring – the rebirth, the renewal of my life. It is the Creator’s promise, He was there all the time. It just took A.A. to show me the way.

    Grateful.

  4. Top of the morning family,
    Awesome reflection!
    For me, the two biggest boo-boos in AA:
    – Interfering with someone’s else program,
    – Interfering with my own program.

    We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. (BB p30)

    Lack of Power, that was our dilemma – We had to find a Power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? (BB p45)

    I found this Power by finding a kind loving man who was properly armed with the facts about himself and the severity of this disease. This man talked my language. Albeit, he was a Marine and I an Army soldier; I still trusted him.
    He secured my hand and told me, “step where I step”.

    Today, I have lived without God and with God.
    Today is a good day to know which I prefer.

  5. Quite a stunning walk, this Living Sober.
    I come to realise that it isn’t the answer to all my problems- it so far transcends my limited capacity of thinking and defining.
    It is so much a completely new way of life.
    And we are so blessed to have each other.
    Thank you.
    Grateful for the Gift.

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