In retrospect it seems that I spent years in a state of longing to be accepted by others, but assuming full-well that my life was anything but “normal.” I used to daydream of doing some deed that would bring the attention of the world to me. That never happened. But, in recovery I have found that my expectations are more in line with my performance, and my life. I no longer need to feel like I am the “center of the universe,” now I am content to just feel “useful.” Today, it’s not so much how important I am made to feel, what is important is that I remain willing to be of service to others, however that may define itself. I bore the weight of my previous behaviors, and found them all wanting. I wanted to be “normal,” I wanted to “fit in.” and I wanted approval from others; I clearly thought that I needed those things to be a “success” in life. Giving of myself anonymously is one of the basic tenets of A.A. This can be done through donations when the “basket” is passed. Whatever or however service defines itself in my life, my part in the Program is to keep showing up, keep the plug in the jug, and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Photo Courtesy of Jaybird

Photo Courtesy of Jaybird

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