Honesty was a big step for me – for without it, recovery was a moot point. I soon discovered that I had a lot of fear behind my lies – fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of embarrassment, and fear of being laughed at or just flat out snubbed by others. Plus there was a lot of denial in my lies – denial of my disease, denial of my past life, denial of who I was and my true life. Coming to know the real me was my first task in the recovery process.
Right along with this honesty and self-awareness came a true sense of serenity, something I had not experienced before. It was so new to me that I did not recognize it for that, until someone else pointed it out to me. I felt like there was a chance for me to have a life that made a difference. I began to come to terms with my demons and felt hope for the first time. I was so excited that I wanted to share the Program with everyone, but my sponsor advised me to focus on my recovery, not the recovery of others. I soon learned that my best effort towards recovery needed to be focused on me – that later I would serve as an example to others of what sobriety and recovery can look like, both negative AND positive!!!