Who’s At Fault?

(Had the grandbaby last night…sorry for late post!!!)

Quote is from “Daily Reflections” A Word to Drop: “Blame”

To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. We could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought.
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 47

My thoughts/comments:

I held others responsible for my behavior, for a very long time. It was always because of “others” that I had problems. Coming to terms with my own part in my problems, took a very long time. I don’t really think that I accepted the responsibility for my own actions until I was attempting to “work” the Steps. I blamed my parents, the “world” at large, my siblings, my friends and those who were not my friends. My list of resentments was almost as long as my list of defects, and there was a surprising connection between the two. I now understand that acknowledging my resentments gave me a list of people that I owed an amends to, in some form or another. My inability to recognize the truth brought about misplaced resentments and misguided feelings of anger towards those I felt had treated me poorly. My father, for one, I also resented deeply. These were confusing feelings of love and resentment, and I had little understanding of the relationship between the two. I just felt that he did not care about me, nor love me, or he would not have been so mean to me. There were times of being whipped with a belt until huge red welts covered my backside and legs. I resented this treatment and felt that it underscored his lack of love for me. I never thought about my part in this – my inappropriate behavior, the lies I told, and my unexpressed anger towards him – these were buried deep, and forgotten – I did not know what else to do with these feelings. As an adult I drank away the memories of those times and all the negative feelings they caused in me. It falls on me to accept responsibility for my life and my behavior – and I do. Acceptance of this responsibility also affords me the resources to choose what I need to effect these changes in my life. Blaming others does not give me the means to change, it only delays the healing process we call recovery.


6 thoughts on “Who’s At Fault?

  1. Never apologize for service work. I am just grateful to receive at any time you and others can offer. Was more concerned the problem was on my end. Congratulations on new grandbaby.

    It is easy to find blame. I can blame others. I can blame myself. I can use blame to hide the real issues. The serenity prayer helps me to realize what matters and what I can do about it.

  2. Top of the morning family,
    Fist bump for your grandbaby and the addition to your family.
    My first sponsor mentioned: If you want to see what God looks like: look at a babies face.
    When I take ownership/responsibility for my part, I slowly put away my childlike excuses.
    Funny haha / hehe, for who’s at fault….
    A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are badly damaged, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
    After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says: “Wow, look at our cars – there’s nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other.”
    The man replies: “Oh yes, I agree with you completely.”
    The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says: “Here’s another miracle. Somehow this bottle of whisky from my back seat didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink it and celebrate our good fortune.”
    Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and drinks about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
    The man asks: “Aren’t you having any?”
    The woman replies: “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police – I’ll let them decide whose fault it is.”

    It’s a good day to see what we have in our lives day….

  3. …the stories of our lives…lived together in strength and compassion.
    So much better than fear and isolation.
    Humble offering forgiveness…not for their benefit, but ours.
    Grateful for the Gift

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