Conversation With Maggs (texting, but you get the drift)

Sometimes craving does not happen. It did not happen to me until all the emotions I was avoiding had to go somewhere. For me it took time, especially after my ten years. Once I had to deal with life on life’s terms in a healthy way(without even one drink) I couldn’t do it. Realizing that, I knew I couldn’t continue. I guess what was different, for me, in Soto’s sentence, from the other day(Once a person has crossed the invisible line into the realms of chronic alcoholism, then they can never again take a drink and guarantee their behavior. This is not to be fooled around with, so many are lost to the wayside by trying to be normal) was that once you’ve experienced that sneaking, lying, 24/7 drinking, hiding behavior of an alcoholic, you can simply not have another drink and know how it will effect you:
Will you stop after one?
don’t know
Will you have a couple and stop?
don’t know
Will you immediately delve into the depths of end stage alcoholism?
Don’t know
That’s the whole point of reconciling myself and my relationship with alcohol! Knowing that if I ever take a drink again, I have no f***ing clue what will happen next!
And that’s why I love the 12 steps! The spiritual ride I’m on is amazing! It keeps getting bigger and better. It won’t happen if I’m in the depths, riding with the four horsemen!
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15 thoughts on “Conversation With Maggs (texting, but you get the drift)

  1. I too can´t drink like a normal person. And that is fine, i´m at peace with that fact. And now I´m leaning how to live life on life´s terms… A long road lies before me, but I´m willing to walk it with my higher power. And AA of course.

  2. Thank you, great share w great questions. Acceptance of being a n alcoholic comes to my mind. Grateful to have the principles and people coupled w steps to help me believe my alcoholism does not go away. I c as n however live without it. Yea!!!

  3. Top of the morning family,
    “hiding behavior of an alcoholic”
    – Right on, right on. Existing through life masquerading as an energy vampire.

    – Often heard at my home group
    While you’re resting on your laurels, king alcohol is patiently waiting out on your front lawn doing push-ups.

    Every single time I turn it over/lay it down to Divine Mercy, He always takes care of my struggling situation in a way that exceeds my expectations…every single time. My spiritual return of investment in following His plan far outweighs anything offered from this shiny/ glittery world.

    It’s a good day to have a good day.
    Just arrived back home from mini long weekend. Good to be back on This24. Spent last week in Durango, Colorado. Great candle light meetings, golden mountain biking, top notch eateries / candy shops. Didn’t matter that it was snowing/hailing. We have found a new freedom; a new happiness.

  4. Fantastic opening dialogue…
    Very real.
    What went through my mind was” Why would I?”
    Why would I jeapordise the sacred aware union of soul and reality, finally realised?
    I felt the immense peace and love in my heart, felt the breadth of soul sensate,
    reflected on the grace in which I reside…and my Inner Watcher smiled wistfully at my ignorance.
    Because I am a drunk and I am powerless, that’s why I would…because that’s what pissheads do.
    To the extent that I am aware of my powerlessness, I can maintain my spiritual condition, ego a servant, not a tyrant.
    Grateful for the Gift

  5. So at some point the decision as to whether or not to drink, drug, indulge whatever addiction I might be coddling must get back to the facts of the pre and post using behavior. Yes, sure, I’ve quit drinking, but that’s only the smallest of the benefits: God is real, available, close, revered; I have honest relationships (and honest problems) based on truth, not lies; sanity has returned; an average marriage for almost twenty years has blossomed into something in the last ten I never thought possible and on and on. So as I consider the continuing use of the pain medicine my doctor is insisting I take, I weigh the likelihood of the loss of all I hold so very dear now. Is the pain remediation worth the risk of losing all that? Increasingly, the answer is moving to no, but goodness, what a struggle.

  6. Great comments! For the past two weeks I was internally struggling with whether to drink or not. The stress of my upcoming move was the trigger and that the people moving in to my house gave me a bottle of wine. I gave the bottle to my daughter. But what happened next was very interesting. Before, I would have internalized that desire to the breaking point (which I did for two weeks) and would have drank ( which I didn’t) Instead, in my conversation with Bonnie, I actually accepted that I had this urge and that it was ok to talk about it. Talking about it, without the standard answers of get to a meeting (did that) talk with my sponsor (she wasn’t available) etc., I talked with Bonnie. I was dumb founded that the desire and my stress level, dissipated. I didn’t tell her what I thought she wanted to hear, I was honest with her and myself.
    Another spiritual experience and a lesson that tells me that honesty is crucial if we are to continue on this journey.
    Huge thanks to Bonnie and you guys! Humbled, sober and happy!

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