Step 8 is in two parts. First I made a list. Every time I started to think about how I would make amends, I was gently brought back to the task at hand. I needed to make a list of all people that I had harmed. All people meant I had to make it as complete as I could at that time. I did not wait until I was sure I had 100% of the people accounted for.

My first list had plenty of people I had actively harmed. My family was at the top. I looked at my fourth step inventory. Most of the people I had resentments towards I had harmed in some way. Some of them had harmed me, but this was a list of the people I had harmed.

As my spirituality grew I realized I had harmed people by not being there for them. I withdrew and lost touch with friends, colleagues and fellow students. By removing myself from their lives I had harmed them. I added them to my list, but that was later. Some alcoholics put themselves top of the list and that works for many people. For me, I needed ego deflation. I had to turn outwards first before I could turn inwards.

Then I became willing to make amends. I did not need to make amends yet, I had to become willing. Willingness is an action for me. I was willing to make amends to most of the people on my list. For others I was willing to be willing. If the opportunity presented itself I was willing to make an amends even though I was not sure I wanted to.