Made Direct Amends(Courtesy of Bill M)

After years of trying medical approaches and the Oxford group approach, Dr. Bob was able to stop drinking after he traveled the town making his amends. This became the ninth step.”Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Step 9 is the heart of the program. The start of AA is not the day Ebby talked to Bill, the day Bill W stopped drinking, or the day Bill met Dr. Bob. It is the day that Dr. Bob did his ninth step amends. The purpose of the prior steps are to get us to step 9. All of the steps that come after are not effective without Step 9. The “AA Promises” come when we are “half-way” through the ninth step.

I needed the other steps so I could do more than just say I was sorry. I had apologized so many times before a simple apology would not have been well received. I had let people down so often; I had to demonstrate a change in character. I also needed to make sure my motives were correct. This required that I know what my defects of character are and were.

I needed a sponsor for the ninth step. I had to bounce ideas off of another person. I did not always have a clear picture of what harm I could cause to others without talking to someone with experience with the ninth step. I am responsible for my amends, but I am not responsible for how others react to my amends. . I cannot make someone accept my amends. I clean my side of the street. What they do with my amends is up to them.

I have to listen to the other person when I am making my amends. Not everything is about me.
R18

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11 thoughts on “Made Direct Amends(Courtesy of Bill M)

  1. Thank you this 24 or is it sister or Bonnie or Bonster or whomever.
    .
    The promises say we will be amazed BEFORE and I want to repeat BEFORE and emphasize BEFORE we are halfway through and for me I look at this as being my spiritual journey.
    Anytime I am amazed I know it is from God.
    How do I know?
    Great teaching by amazing people.
    I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic.
    I’m also a devoted 12th stepper.

  2. Thanks for the reminder about the 9th Step! I think the topic yesterday or the day before was the 8th Step and I sort of got a resentment because sometimes I think that step makes me beat myself up for no reason. Should I chastise myself for losing touch with my family members? Perhaps they wanted some space? I don’t know…but this post reminds me that I have to do a thorough 9th Step to maintain sobriety so glad I did that and will use the 10th Step to maintain.

    • Thanks for the comment on the eighth step. That is an important reminder to me about that feeling that the steps, especially 4 8 9, beat us up for no reason. I have to remind others and myself that first we should not be beating ourselves up. We will get to a place where we no longer regret the past. Second, there is a very good reason why we do these steps. Third, it is so important to do the steps with another person to keep some balance.

  3. Hiya folks, got a new part time job at a community center and getting a new used lathe to continue making my art work. A relationship has hindered my praying a bit but I’ll get through it, always do. If I can only remember that with God’s help i can get through any thing and that my friends is why I need to practice this program.

  4. Sometimes I get a bit of a quiet chuckle when new folks go on about how challenging their fourth step is, thinking ” just wait for the ninth”!
    Anyway, I love the notion of amendment, a true hero’s journey.
    Such inspired perspective and direction from our literature, the wisdom of 2,000 years of human growth there for the taking.
    Grateful for the Gift

  5. Top of the morning family,
    If I continually harm people and haven’t marched forward with action/effort towards amends, then I still have a lot of people, places, things, and situations to avoid. Areas in my life are still closed off/ my life is in darkness. When I’m willing to make amends, areas in my life are open/ my life is in His sunlight. I’m not wasting energy paying the bill(s) of fear, isolation, and avoidance. With His help, I can know peace.
    If I’m not making amends regularly, then I’m not working my new order for successful living.
    – A daily amend: Forgive me Divine Mercy for taking so many blessings for granted.
    “I destroy my enemy if I make him my friend.” A. Lincoln
    It’s a good day to have a listen day.

  6. How little I knew about how badly I had harmed so many that I loved and that loved me. It took years for my parents to confide their certainty of my violent death, for my wife to let me know how greatly she despaired over the coldness of our marriage, for my siblings to let me know how hurt over my absence, even the absence in my presence, for my oldest child so damaged by my judgment and condemnation. In my shame, I was clueless. But in my desire to repent and make whole, I was redeemed, a tiny little bit at a time.

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