Willingness is defined as being “ready, inclined, or having the power of choice ,” which can all be described as voluntary actions. I wanted whatever it was that I saw in others around the tables. I became willing to do what was suggested by others, and the Program. I walked through some of my fears the first day my feet crossed the threshold of the A.A. Fellowship. I was fearful that it would not work for me, I was fearful that I would fail in some way and be cast out into the streets, once again. My biggest fear was that I would not be able to find my Higher Power. I did not fully comprehend this spiritual “being” but I was desperate for the “faith” that was working in the lives of many. Another fear I had was that I did not fit the mold of being an alcoholic, but in listening to others around the tables, I soon learned that my definition of an alcoholic, was way off base. It wasn’t what I drank, or how much I drank – but what alcohol did to me when I drank. Once started, it was impossible to stop. Working the Steps became my immediate goal, along with attending meetings – lots and lots of meetings. The meetings really serve two purposes; they enable me to learn about the disease of alcoholism, and at the same time gave me the opportunity to meet others who were searching for the same answers as I was. I felt safe within those four walls. I felt safe in being honest, fully honest, for the first time in my life. I felt secure knowing and accepting a Power greater than me, and greater than my disease. For the first time EVER, I faced the disease!!
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