Yesterday

So I’d like to ask for a group conscience from This24. I had over 90 days under my belt and I chose life’s struggles to get to me. I drank. I was also angry and was not knowing how to struggle through life as I could barely pay bills. Since then I have buckled down with a plan of staying sober as well as going to meetings and working with my sponsor. Please let me know what you think, and especially what you want to do with the website, as I’d love to continue blogging this journey of life and death-most recently death. I would like to share the raw trappings of what it’s like Not to have the steps active in life. But just as well, what I can do to be working the steps in my life. Let me know what you think, and I will gladly turn over the hands of this24 to someone who will daily write a blog, in the interest in all sincerity of honest, open and willing recovery. Sobriety first!!
Head-ear

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31 thoughts on “Yesterday

  1. Fairly decent step one! This took courage Bonnie and I know it was difficult to write! Please tell us more about how how you had no control over alcohol and how your life had become unmanageable! For me, hearing about life’s on life’s terms that brought you to the dark place can only help your recovery journey as well as mine! I’m behind you all the way! Xo!

  2. PS; and if yesterday’s title and picture weren’t an obvious cry for help and surrender, I don’t know what is!

  3. For the first five or six years of recovery, I wrote desperately each day, struggling with God about why I hadn’t been delivered from some besetting problem, thanking Him for help delivered, telling Him what I thought I needed to live a happy, joyous and free life, asking Him to give me what I instead needed. When I finally stopped, I had accumulated approximately 1200 pages, much of it fit only for the trash bin on my computer. I was helped greatly in the writing of it, most of all because I gained some clarity in the process, but hardly a word was fit for eyes other than my own. Daily Reflections popped up in my life at the end of my writing period, affording me a nice opportunity to transition away from that unsustainable habit.

    If writing helps you, keep going. But that doesn’t mean we need to be privy to it. Your deleted post suggests to me that you are struggling far more than is shared with us. If so, take a break! All good things must inevitably end so that something else might take its place. This24 has been a mercy; whatever the outcome, may God bring you peace and comfort

  4. Let’s roll with that.
    It’s a fellowship, with only one requirement for membership.
    Maybe some emphasis on the Basics, along with the Rocketed Into The Fourth Dimension Stuff?
    Honest, Open and Willing.
    One Day At A Time.
    There’s nothing so bad a drink won’t make it worse.
    Serenity.
    Glad you’re safe and being useful.
    Grateful for the Gift

      • It means, your writing for this24 hasn’t kept you sober and that perhaps if you wrote for yourself and took a break, it might mean a solid recovery for YOU!
        Am I close, Jack?

          • Here was my observation: when I started feeling compelled by duty to share my thoughts every day in writing, even if only between myself and God, the duty part overtook the joy part. I finally figured that God was unimpressed by my pretensions, so after a little struggle, I figured it was better to try something new. Since 2011 when I dropped my pen (keyboard actually), I’ve embraced many and abandoned a few spiritual routines. I took up walking with a vengeance (and lost 25 lbs as a side benefit). My interest in growing things reappeared. Reading became a priority again. Being a real husband and father came before my service work, or more accurately, my ego. I can’t comment specifically on Bonnie’s situation other than to say how grateful for her faithfulness I am, but if have spiritual ADD like I, there’s redemption in change.

            The question isn’t whether you’re doing a fine job, it’s whether you’re developing a sense of awe and wonder and joy and gratitude from your service. If so, proceed. If not, keep looking!! But it’s been obvious for quite some time now that you were struggling…don’t let this24 be part of it!

            • Couldn’t have said it better! Take the 4 P’s to heart, P-a-u-s-e…
              P-o-n-d-e-r……Pray….
              Proceed.
              Don’t even think about whether someone takes it over. You must do what’s best for you.

  5. WE LOVE YOU BONNIE !!
    you have been doing a splendid job with This24 postings and it is greatly appreciated.

  6. i don’t know why – i just can’t let it go
    the memory is old – but i just can’t let it go
    the idea is gone – but i just can’t let it go
    this is my problem – i just can’t let it go

    keep trudging my friends

  7. I think you’re doing a fine job Bonnie.
    If you need a break from the pressure of posting every day, perhaps Zuzu would allow you to do a re-run her old posts.
    Otherwise, keep up the good work!

  8. SMB. You and your sponsor should decide what is best for you. Occasionally your recent reflections have reminded me of p 152 of big book.
    Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, “I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time.” We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety.
    If you honestly share your struggles and want to write then just do it. If feeling you must say something profound every day is hurting your sobriety then stop. Whatever you do, know that nothing changes until something changes.

    Don’t worry about what happens to this24. If it is meant to go on it will.
    One suggestion would be to have a one word topic. We can add in the comments. Harry usually has a reflection in the first one or two comments that could be used as a lead anyway.
    I am grateful for all of your contributions to my sobriety.

      • Not that I haven’t been thinking it over very seriously. I like the idea we started with years ago when we used the daily reflection as a focal point for discussion and then we thought we had copyright issues. My research into copyright does not confirm this. I’m going to copy and paste something about copyright tomorrow but I feel we can use parts of the daily reflection just as they do in Thailand. Obviously they have not been considered to be an issue. I’m hairy, grateful alcoholic.

  9. I’ve mentioned I spent 11 months in rehab and, to be honest, not much time spent on Steps 2 and 3. But I clearly remember “You have to put the plug in the jug” and remember this everyday and remind myself that I can’t drink and 1 day at a time.

  10. Dear SMB, thank you for all you do for this Web site. It sounds like you have devised a plan for working the steps. I remember and still recall that the aa membership requirement is a desire to stop drinking.
    So again thank you for your service and help.
    My prayers are with you. Kt

  11. Don´t stop! See writing as therapy, as the 12th step….or as fun. We all can relapse as it is part of the disease. Do you have power over it? Get back on track and all the best!

  12. Do what is best for you. But and yes there’s a but…
    There are no relapses. you (we) simply didn’t believe in the first place. As my brother said, “you will only be sober if you really really REALLY want it.”
    NOTHING else matters: Sex Gaming Money Do-Gooding Writing Praying Meeting-Going Eating-NOTHING must come between sobriety and me. Not a child not a relative not a spouse or marriage. Not a job to be or money in the future. Without sobriety there is no future.
    Take this time to start anew again. Take this time to contribute to this24…write what you want and walk away for the night the day the time. Do not take this24 as your way out. This 24 is not a sponsor.
    If all of what you write is yours then you could write as a pro. You have a gift, a style and can help many many more people somewhere else. But do not forget us. Stick around-contribute and leave-don’t take us home with you. Do not let us get between your sheets. Between your thoughts and actions. Take YOU home with you. Stay sober. We ARE what we eat we ARE what we think.
    This I tell my students. NO MATTER what age group.
    Keep coming back. Never give up.
    Show up shut and look in the mirror and work it out. We are here for you-you are not here for us. (this is what an old timer said to me). Meaning my sobriety tales preference to yours. No matter what.
    My buck 12.80…
    _____________________________________smiles from the desert.

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