The Hole

I have experienced an “emptiness” inside me, many, many times. I tried filling it up with all sorts of drugs and alcohol (another drug). I have tried to convince myself that if I just had the right partner in life, I would find the answers to all my questions about being happy. I longed to find “myself” and did not even know that was my problem. I was lost in a sea of misery, and working hard to escape those feelings of being out of touch with myself, by drinking and. This search for “outside” help went on for years, and years. It was only when I finally came to the Program that I began to understand that I had the “solution” within me all along. I firmly believed that it was a matter of finding the right combination of life affirming experiences and a God of my understanding. If you all could say a few extra prayers my way, that would be awesome!! As always-THANK YOU!
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6 thoughts on “The Hole

  1. I love the way Chuck C talks about that feeling of ’emptiness’ you mention… …..”You know the king-size hurt. The kids call it that hole in their guts when they’re standing on a street corner and the wind’s blowing through” (page 26 A New Pair Of Glasses)
    I have always been able to relate to those words. And the ONLY thing that has ever filled that hole that the wind whistled through, is this programme. The AA way.
    I live in a tiny country town in New Zealand where we have one meeting a week, and right now there is just one other person attending that meeting. But together, we have a meeting, and we say every week that without that meeting, neither of us believe that we would be able to stay sober.
    So, ‘this 24’ is a life line to me. I read your post every day and feel comfort in the simple fact that I am not alone. And how humbling it is, always, to hear of a relapse. Nothing keeps me sober more than this. Thank you for sharing this (last week?), for your honesty and for reminding us all how vigilant we all need to be to stay sober.
    Big Hi to Tom S
    Fiona

    • Thanks so much Fiona. Welcome to your 1st post. Thank you for sharing your experience strength and hope. I’ve heard Tom S. speak of that meeting. Blessed and grateful for you!

  2. First, last and always my prayers are with you.

    We must trust the process.

    My soul rests with you, my Anamchara.

    Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
    – Psalm 116:7 (NIV)

    Luke 8:38-39a The man from whom the demons had gone begged that he might be with him; but Jesus (God of my understanding) sent him away, saying, “Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.”

    This dramatic and powerful story from Luke follows an extended teaching on spiritual growth. Jesus (God of my understanding) tells a parable of how some seeds grow and flourish while others do not. Thorns choke some of the seeds, others dry out, and some are carried away by birds and never take root. So it is with our spirit.
    I can relate to the people in this story who saw the dramatic power of God on display, were afraid, and begged Jesus to leave them alone. And Jesus (God of my understanding) does leave, but he leaves a seed—the story of a man who was once broken and caught in the grip of terror and pain but was made whole by love.
    It can be easier to keep the darkness of our lives tucked away in the basement of our souls. Change can be terrifying. Sometimes it is easier just to manage things and bring a small measure of stability. But if we let the seeds of compassion and grace grow, they will become something beautiful and true. — Jonathan Erdman

    We claim spiritual progress, not perfection! – Big Book.

    I’m so glad (thankful) that I did, that I am.

    I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic and devoted 12th stepper.

  3. For me, true gratitude is difficult to feel when you’re in a combat zone with alcohol/drugs. I think you can only feel it once that battle is over by either dying and experiencing the ultimate surrender or the battle is over and you’re alive and you make the decision to fight no more. The spiritual experience.
    Fiona, your voice is heard loud and clear, thank you for that!
    This24, this isn’t just coast to coast, it’s global! I pray that you can let us love you until you find the love of a higher power and yourself.
    The spiritual experience.

  4. That hole, as SMB describes, “with the wind whistling through it”, is our most precious wound.
    And thank God for it; for it is there, through my wound, broken, beaten into submission, finally lost, that I finally could feel the Divine Love within me.
    It has, is and always will be there. But I could not see, could not feel, could not be that love until I was exhausted and said that most effective prayer from my depths: God help me.
    Thank you for showing me the way.
    Grateful for the Gift

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