Rebel Rebel

I was a rebel from my very early days. It seems, in looking back, that I was always fighting the “accepted” forms of behavior, and rebelling against what others determined as “the norm.” If I was expected to behave in one way, I made sure that I behaved in the opposite of that way. Coming to the rooms of A.A. was, at first, my last hope. I desperately wanted A.A. to work in my life, but being the headstrong rebel I was, I felt quite sure that it would be flawed, just as most of my attempts at “normal” living had been. I failed at much, early in life. I failed as a daughter, I failed as a sister, I failed as a friend, and I just seemed to fail at whatever I attempted – especially when it came to relationships of all sorts. I never “fit in” anywhere, any time. As Zuzu once said ” The way to unwind the bondage is to reach out to my fellow alcoholics, to ask my sponsor for guidance. While I feel the great pull of the gravity of my own self-absorption, I must continually reach instead toward the Steps and sobriety if I am to remain free.” I think that is an amazing suggestion…..don’t you?


5 thoughts on “Rebel Rebel

  1. I constantly “pushed the envelope” to see how much I could get away with.
    I “got away” with just the necessary amount to get me to AA and for that I have now been very thankful for 29 years and counting!

    Today’s Daily Reflection is quite apropos.

    JUNE 30
    The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.’s entire Fellowship.
    — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 220

    I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic and devoted 12th stepper.

  2. Oh how loathe I am to “sacrifice” my true indulgence…the insatiable desire to do just exactly whatever I feel like doing! Ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do…my ego is in charge and will tolerate no threat to its authority…no matter what the cost- family, health, wealth or life.
    So that, in my opinion, is what I must truly “sacrifice” ( from the Latin ” sacrare”
    to make holy). So I sacrifice my will, as an offering to my HP in order to receive something, in this case AA Unity and, ultimately, Survival.
    But, really, that’s just table stakes- what I really got was a life beyond my imagination…thanks to my brothers and sisters doing the same thing, in Unity.
    Grateful for the Gift

  3. Thank you SMB for your share. I relate to those words and feelings described. I think Zuzu said it well. At least for me a dseparate alcoholic, trying to find my own fix and not relying on the suggested messages in the aa book. So thank you again for sharing experience strength and hope, the big hope we can live life on life’s terms without self medication.

  4. Top of the mid day morning family,
    – With a rebel yell; more more more….
    Front site on target!
    Self will always abuse free will. Self will always justify my actions, desires, and wants.
    Who is my keeper – self, this tiny world or Divine Mercy?
    Today, I’m learning that when I turn my back on His plans for my life; I’m rejecting the best plans He has designed for me.

    To paraphrase a great philosopher of the 1970’s, Alice Cooper.
    Drinking is easy, trashing hotel rooms is easy; but, being a child of God, that’s a tough call. That’s real rebellion.

    Today, I have lived without God and with God.
    Today is a good day to know which I prefer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s