Free At Last (sorry friends..late post)

I find that it is a joy to be free enough to be honest with my past. The shame of my past behaviors has lifted, and in it’s place is understanding of the disease of alcoholism. Having a fresh start to the Program is such a learning experience, and one that continues to this very day, the fact of my ability to be honest about my past is yet another example of the power of the Program, and the effect it has had on my life in the last 23 days. Instead of shame and regret, I now find that I can and do feel good about who I am and what I am becoming. I am Bonnie, sober alcoholic and active member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I no longer regret my recent past, today I know that it serves as a “teacher” of what I don’t want in my life, and it serves as an example to others of the power Alcohol….and the redemption because of the Twelve Steps. Change is possible – change in my behavior results in changes in the way I feel about myself, and life in general. God has brought me to a place of change, and I have a true sense of gratitude, Just for today.
santa cruz


7 thoughts on “Free At Last (sorry friends..late post)

  1. Top of the morning family,
    RE: Change is possible – change in my behavior results in changes in the way I feel about myself, and life in general. God has brought me to a place of change,

    That be the good schtuff right thar!……….Change is possible: a sweet tasty virtue of hope!

    Our world always provides plenty of chances to worry. But a spiritual battle rhythm changes how we live and think. We are called to His world not this temporal world around us. When we surrender daily to His word, His mercy changes how we believe in Him and about ourselves.

    It’s a good day to get His spiritual rudder in the waters; thanks be to God.

  2. I’m very curious how you link behavior to an understanding of alcoholism. My experience is that I drink to avoid the shame of my behavior. No one has ever told me it’s the cause.

  3. For me, drinking alcohol was a symptom of my not dealing with life on life’s terms in a healthy way. It became a behavior that was detrimental to my whole life. Once I’ve come to understand and deal with life on life’s terms in a healthy way, does that mean I can drink alcohol in a healthy way? I’m not sure but am I willing to try it? Not today?
    Does behavior link to my understanding of alcoholism? Perhaps not but I think you get Bonnie’s point!

    • I never get the point. I’m supposed to be overjoyed that I can change but never do, focus on feeling good about me while still actively abusing alcohol, set an example (by my inability to stay sober), talk about my occasional acts of service and how virtuous I must surely be despite being unemployed and on the public dole. Is recovery really like this that I might continue being the selfish monster concerned only about my feelings THAT I ALREADY AM.

      • Grapevine Quote

        July 28
        “AA may or may not get me to heaven, but it surely got me out of hell.”
        Nairobi, Kenya, April 1998

        May I suggest
        for starting or restarting
        go to lots of AA meetings (90 meetings in 90 days)
        get a sponsor
        get a sponsor
        please get a sponsor.
        Overhaul your morning.

        I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic and devoted 12th stepper..

  4. Eventually you showed me that it was who I was, and could become, that mattered.
    And that the way to “become” was to do certain things, repeatedly. not through indulging in self centred thinking.
    My ego and I resisted mightily, and the result was a couple of years of dry drunkenness, with little other behavioural change.
    Then one of you asked “when are you going to start taking this thing seriously?”
    I must have been ready.
    I took the steps with a sponsor, humbled myself in prayer and read the Big Book with open minded acceptance instead of an overly critical eye.
    I began to feel my heart soften, and some concern for others develop.
    Life has not been the same since.
    Grateful for the gift.

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