Wants… Needs?

My sense of generosity has grown through the Program, and I am more willing to give without expectation of any reward.  Being self-less means that I am learning how to give anonymously.  I love seeing the smiles on the faces of those who are receiving something, especially when it is totally unexpected.  I have learned that there is more joy in giving than there is in receiving.  In order for me to give of myself, I have to take care of myself, first.  If I’m not feeling good about me, any attempt at giving to others will not be an honest expression of my feelings for them.  I need to look at my motivation for giving to ensure that I’m giving for the right reason.  Mostly I give to see others smile, I give because I can, and I give because before recovery all I did was take, take, take.  Giving of my time is something I can always give to others, a smile is something I can always give to others – it takes so little to make others feel better.  


7 thoughts on “Wants… Needs?

  1. Lost in love
    I never hear you sing for me.
    Your lips are silent, your heart still.
    I want to hear you sing for us louder than the want of my love for you.
    But you remain still. Remain removed remain alone.
    Alone all day there is no love that’s lost its way. No love that comes round each day.
    I say I’m sorry I say I’m sorry for the night each day.
    I say I’m sorry I say I’m sorry for the night fight at the break of day.
    Lord knows I need to think Lord knows I need to sing each day.
    Lord knows I need to break away.

    So listen so listen to me sing listen to me pray.
    I pray for all my sins I pray for all ours sins the misfortunes the ill air the missed shared time. Pray for honor and the true way. My misfit my true companion. My shadow my silhouette. My partner my love. My miscreant. Of thee I sing. Of thee I pray.
    I pray to heal and make it better. I pray you’ll see it through but now know better.
    There was a time we were one a sweet hour drifting floating in the warm sun on a cool April day. A time for smooth talk smooth skin for the elegance of a musk shared pure fury. Time shows us we don’t all win. Yet we try we remain constant cordial smiling while the under pinning is something quite different my friend.
    Our language our shadows forgot to merge. Oh Lord I know we drifted apart. Oh Lord I know we merged with another memory and shared energy. But it’s not us.
    Oh Lord takes us from this place to be.
    Take us as we are to a place we cannot see.
    Oh Lord.
    I want to be.

    ______________________smiles from the desert.

    • This is a small sample of how I spend the first hour or two of my day, one day at a time.

      I think my higher power and I just enjoy ourselves a bit.

      A long time ago I used to ride around in a pickup truck listening to the country music station in Cincinnati Ohio which was what we called a Clear Channel station back then.
      One of the songs I remember hearing was this one by Merle Haggard https://youtu.be/U9TByT3QlWc but I didn’t pay much attention to the words and certainly not any to the deep meaning so I come back to it today because of this reference in Our Daily Bread http://odb.org/2016/12/09/the-gift-of-encouragement/ reflection this morning and now I kind of get it.

      At my Uncle Robert’s funeral we sang the old hymn, “Farther along we’ll understand why”.

      I look forward to this day with confident expectation.

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