I did everything in my will power to behave in ways that denied my disease. I did not drink like others, not as often nor not as much. These rationalizations kept me out there in the insanity of my disease for years and years. I didn’t drink as much because most of the time, I simply passed out. I was too hung-over to drink the next day, although I would try, only to throw up, again and again. Alcohol was hard on me, and I got quite sick just about every time I drank. It took a lot of moxie to say no to the second drink, and by the third one I was off and running. Once I started, there was no stopping me, I drank as much as I could, as fast as I could. But being the little alcoholic that I am, I constantly compared my drinking to the drinking of others – and of course, I would come out somehow better off, not as sick as others. This winding road of denial was a long and arduous path.
Grateful for the steps, the rooms, my sponsor and the WE of the program that saves my life on a daily basis.