Admit, Accept, Awareness

Denial is a strong emotion in me.  It kept me “out there” for years and years.  I do not sit in judgment of others, as to whether or not they are alcoholic.  It is up to me to focus on my own issues, problems, and behaviors.  I cannot judge another, and I cannot compare my life to the lives of others.  At meetings I hear others talk about what their experiences were when they were drinking, and I listened closely as I might learn something about the disease of alcoholism, in all it’s forms.  Some of us did drink daily, some of us binge drank, and some of us drank sporadically.  Some of us only drank vodka, and some only wine or beer, and some of us took drugs in a variety of forms.  However I define my drinking, the disease of alcoholism has always been  present in my life.  It can be found in my denial, in my minimizing the damage it did, in the loud justifications of why I drink, and in the rationalizing that enabled me to continue to function in a total state of denial.  I am forever grateful for acceptance, which is the opposite of denial, as I am now living a sober, happy life in recovery.
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5 thoughts on “Admit, Accept, Awareness

  1. Do you recall the rather lengthy discourse that was being circulated several days ago about how President Trump is making America great by the outpouring of people into the streets and other means of outspokenness attempting to exercise this great democracy which is grounded in various freedoms including freedom of speech and the right to assemble and peacefully demonstrate.

    Well I came across a very thoughtful commentary which was posted about a month ago by an Episcopal priest about how he he has caused some to look within themselves in a kind of prayer of Examen to see our own dark sides. – Fr. Michael K. Marsh https://interruptingthesilence.com/2017/01/26/my-thank-you-note-to-president-trump/

    I understand he (our president) may have risen above his self last night in his address to Congress’s and I know for a fact that:
    “There’s a Bit of Good in the Worst of Us
    That Is a Bit of Bad and the Best of Us
    So It Hardly Behooves Any of Us
    Too Harshly Compare Ourselves
    To the Rest of Us”.

    I’m Harry, grateful alcoholic and devoted twelve stepper.

  2. Our book suggests we pause when agitated, so as to be in much less danger of excitement, fear, etc.
    So what to actually do when I pause?
    Over time I have learned that I need to not only pause, I need to come to a complete stop.
    And then to listen, intently, for His will.
    In stillness, silence of silence, motionless but for the imperceptible slowest breath…foregoing self to listen beyond that which can be heard, to intuit the insensate, inchoate heart fills, the faintest point of light appearing…
    Praying to hold intention
    Praying to meld into prayer
    Praying for all of us

    Grateful for the Gift

  3. I can still find myself loudly defending my actions, minimizing the damage I do, and rationalizing my behavior. Step 10 is essential for me. I have to continue to take personal inventory and when (not if but when) I am wrong I promptly admit it even if I don’t want to– especially when I don’t want to.
    I am grateful that those episodes occur less frequently, are shorter in duration, and less severe.

  4. Top of the morning family,
    Denial of the denial: that is true rebellion.
    Give us this day, our daily manna.

    It’s a good day to have a good day.

  5. Bonnie, thank you for the post. I can so relate. I also want to thank you for your dedication in writing daily. That is not an easy task. I know i couldn’t do it. I am a comitaphobe. One of my many character defects. One thing i do know is that I am an addict and an alcoholic. That is why i hold onto Step 1 and tradition 3. Also thank you for the “man behind the cutain” who does all the tech work. Thank vou family for all your shares. They help me more than you ‘can imagine. You are all in my prayers.
    Namaste, Tree
    Love you all!

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