From The Depths

I fought with King Alcohol for many, many years; and told myself that I had that demon under control because I did not drink like I thought alcoholics did. I managed to stay away from daily drinking, from all day drinking (most of the time) – so how could I be an alcoholic?  I only drank occasionally, and just to show that I was not an alcoholic, every once in awhile I stopped drinking after one or two.  I was so busy identifying myself as a non-alcoholic that I almost lost sight of what happened to me when I drank.  I could easily excuse my inability to stop drinking, once started.  I was a blackout drunk and therefore had little recollection of my behavior when I was drinking.  I ignored my moral slips, my rudeness toward others, and my anger that raised it’s head only to roar with resentments and pity.  “Why me?” was the question, when it should have been “why not me.”  I had no love for myself or others, I was just full of envy and false pride – couple that with alcohol and what do you get?  A long path of denial and more misery than can be imagined.

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3 thoughts on “From The Depths

  1. My story is similar and thanks for sharing. Probably best to accept our society “as is” but I think it’s unfortunate that alcohol is portrayed as harmless to non-alcoholics. The WHO rates alcohol as a Class I carcinogen (like benzene). I know my parents and their friends treated alcohol as a toy and completely harmless in their eyes. It caused a lot of damage and both of my parents died young. Anyway, it is what it is and I’ll just try to keep my side of the street clean. Thanks again for this post!

  2. I like this share. I used to exercise every day because alcoholics don’t exercise. Of course non alcoholics don’t have to spend time proving to themselves that they are not alcoholics.

  3. My still little voice told me I was drinking way to much, but I could not get off the boat and off the river of D Nile for quite a few years. I am so grateful to know and accept how cunning, powerful and baffling alcohol is. And to have a program of aa where I can be honest. Powerful share a picture Ms Bonnie
    Grateful to go to a step study meeting to day. Kt

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