I fought with King Alcohol for many, many years; and told myself that I had that demon under control because I did not drink like I thought alcoholics did. I managed to stay away from daily drinking, from all day drinking (most of the time) – so how could I be an alcoholic?  I only drank occasionally, and just to show that I was not an alcoholic, every once in awhile I stopped drinking after one or two.  I was so busy identifying myself as a non-alcoholic that I almost lost sight of what happened to me when I drank.  I could easily excuse my inability to stop drinking, once started.  I was a blackout drunk and therefore had little recollection of my behavior when I was drinking.  I ignored my moral slips, my rudeness toward others, and my anger that raised it’s head only to roar with resentments and pity.  “Why me?” was the question, when it should have been “why not me.”  I had no love for myself or others, I was just full of envy and false pride – couple that with alcohol and what do you get?  A long path of denial and more misery than can be imagined.

Advertisements