I am in control of what I do, I am in control of my own behavior. How I “handle” my life is in my hands, and the hands of my Higher Power, God. I cannot control others, I cannot control how they behave, how they react, or how they feel. I know this, I can trust this – the Program has taught me to look to myself not to others for the behaviors I want in my life. This is all true – it does not, however, make it any easier for me – when it comes to my feelings. But then I remind myself that feelings are just feelings and I can change my feelings by changing my behavior. Again, and again I learn this lesson.

What can I do? The Program teaches me that it is through action that I shall find solutions to problems. Action is the enemy of thought. That being said, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other today. I will endeavor to be of service to others, I will focus on what I can do, and not on what I can’t do. All throughout the day I will be “working” the Program, as we enjoy the outdoors with our grand daughter and family, and I will stay in close contact with my Higher Power. I will pray for understanding, I will pray for guidance and I will pray for the pain in my heart to ease. Let us ALSO keep one of us in prayer as tomorrow they will undergo 20hrs of a way help their longevity!! PRAYERS GO UP BUDDY!!! HANG IN THERE!!!


Loving Ourselves

It has taken many years for me to come to a state of acceptance of just who I am, what I am and where I am. I am Bonnie, alcoholic, sober by the grace of God. I am not a superhero, I am not rich, famous, nor am I some spiritual or mental giant. I’m just another alcoholic, another woman in recovery. I am content with who and what I am today. I have learned to love and accept myself, just as I am today, flaws and all.

Acceptance of myself just as I am has enabled me to experience happiness. Feelings of being restless, irritable and discontent have abated. I will never be all that I “think” I should be, but I no longer live in a world of total dissatisfaction, like I did when I was drinking and pretty much nuts, most of the time. Much of what I see in others has to do with their willingness to work towards goals and desires – education takes dedication and perseverance. I may never be a brainiac, but it is my hope and prayer that I continue to grow, continue to learn and continue to change. I strive to be better, every day. I strive to be more content, every day. And I strive to accept myself just as I am, flaws and all!! HAPPY WEEKEND ♥

Our Code

I am very grateful for the Third Tradition as it allowed me to claim a seat at the tables of A.A., until such a time as I could come to an acceptance of myself as an alcoholic. I lived in a state of denial for so long that I was repeatedly convincing myself that I was not an alcoholic, and all the time my very life and behaviors screamed of my disease. It was apparent to everyone around me – except me. When I heard another member talk about what happened to them when they drank I came to an understanding of my disease that I had not attained before. I did not have to have DUI’s, I did not have to be a daily drinker, I did not have to consume huge amounts of alcohol, I did not have to lose everything in my life for this realization to finally hit me. I just needed to keep coming back and keep claiming my seat at the tables. I just needed to listen to others, to hear the readings and the quotes others gave of words they found in the Big Book. There was no requirement for membership, it was up to me to claim my disease or to continue in the misery of denial that had defined my life.

I go to meetings in support of my recovery and the recovery of others around the tables. I go to hear others talk about how their lives have changed and how they are working the Steps in their daily lives. I go to give support to others, I go to feel the warmth and love of others who, like me, are seeking a new way of living. I am a member when I say I am a member. It’s just that simple, and that straightforward. I see people come and I see people go. I pray that they stay around long enough to experience the true miracle of sobriety. Recovery happens – but it doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time. Time for my head to clear, time for the words to begin to make sense, time for acceptance – that others are sincere in their desire to be of service to me and others. A.A. is a “we” program, as it takes more than just myself to get and to stay sober. True tolerance of others is a blessing for both the other person and for me. When I am tolerant I learn to care about myself and others – when others are tolerant of me, I learn tolerance of others. I accept myself as an alcoholic and am grateful that I finally came to that acceptance and understanding. My life has been on an upward path since my feet crossed the doorway of A.A., that is my reality today. I shall be forever grateful for our code of “love and tolerance.”

Yes I Can!!

Thank goodness I learned to take care of myself from the time I was a very young girl. Although, I have to admit that I did a poor job of it for many years. I think part of that was accepting codependent behaviors as “right” behaviors. Being on my own meant that I had to learn to take care of myself – and all the things that phrase means. I, like many other women, thought that if I just married the right guy I would be okay. I was not born into money, I did not possess anything special in the way of talents or “gifts” from God. I was simply a woman struggling to find her way in a world that was overpowering and overwhelming.

Learning to take care of myself means that I work a Program so that I may stay sober. It means going to the doctor, when needed. It means allowing others to help me when I need help. It means working on all the various phases of my life; mental, physical, and spiritual. I continue to learn new ways of living, new ways of learning and new ways of being just another Woman In Recovery.,

To Be Continued….

Helping other alcoholics has changed over time. In the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous newcomers were sought out in bars, hospitals and in the meetings held at that time. Finding another alcoholic to work with was the basis of recovery – it was that way then, and it continues to be that way today. Sponsorship of others continues to be one of the strong points of recovery for many. What has changed is the growth of the Program – the Twelve Steps have become the touchstone for recovery. Sobriety is more than just meetings, more than sponsorship, and more than being of service to other alcoholics – sobriety has become all of these things, and more. The one core point in my recovery is my faith in a Higher Power, that is the glue that holds my sobriety together. Attendance at meetings may change, sponsorship may change, and my service to others may also change – what does not change is my abiding faith in a Higher Power.

I care about other alcoholics, I care about my “Sisters in Sobriety,” and I care about newcomers, oldtimers, and all those “in-betweeners.” The Program is going to be celebrating 80 years of service on June 10th, which is just around the corner. Amazing, truly amazing – I can’t begin to count the number of alcoholics that have benefitted from the reality of A.A. No one will ever know the true count – but I can see it in the eyes of others at the tables, I can feel it in the rooms of the Fellowship and I can be touched by the fact of the Program as no other “method” can touch me. Continuance – that’s so more than just sticking with a newcomer, it is the very thing that serves to keep the Program alive today. We continue our sobriety, we continue our faith in a Higher Power, we continue to “practice this principles in all our affairs,” and we continue to have faith in one another, day after day, after day.
Many prayers for all of you TRUDGERS…and a few special ones in between!!! HUGS!!!

Action Means Doing

It’s all about having faith, faith in God and faith in the Program. It’s about letting go of doubt and worry, and accepting that whatever events come to pass, there is a reason behind them. God has a plan for me, I may not know it, but I will – in time. In the meantime it is my job to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, making whatever progress there is to make, regardless of the outcome. There are tasks to be done, and friends and family that can use my help. It’s about getting out of self and into helping others – whoever others might be. If I want to feel better about my life, I have to participate in my program of recovery, every day and in whatever way I can.

So the moral of this “story” is the more willing I become, the better I will feel. Action fosters positive feelings. Some things are so simple, and yet so elusive at times. If the “blues” hit me I will take the time to make a list of things I can do to make me feel better – and I will begin doing them, one at a time. Just like the program urges me to do. Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of action – it does no good to just think about the changes I need in my life, it takes action to make those changes – and when things change, so do my feelings about them. I trust in God, I trust in the Program and I trust in the process we call recovery.

What To Do?

Quote is from “The Language of Letting Go” May 24th: “Letting the Cycles Flow”

Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles.

Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of separating to work on individual issues.

We have times of love and joy, and times of anger.

Sometimes, the dimensions of relationships change as we go through changes. Sometimes, life brings us new friends or a loved one to teach us the next lesson.

That does not mean the old friend disappears forever. It means we have entered a new cycle.

We do not have to control the course of our relationships, whether these be friendships or love relationships. We do not have to satisfy our need to control by imposing a static form of relationships.

Let it flow. Be open to the cycles. Love will not disappear. The bond between friends will not sever. Things do not remain the same forever, especially when we are growing and changing at such a rapid pace.

Trust the flow. Take care of yourself, but be willing to let people go. Hanging on to them too tightly will make them disappear.

The old adage about love still holds true: “If it’s meant to be, it will be. And if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, the love is yours.”

Today, I accept the cyclical nature of life and relationships. I will strive to go with the flow. I will strive for harmony with my own needs and the needs of the other person.